Words
by CityOwl3
Summary: Everyone knows that Ferb isn't really the chatty type; even he admits it. So, to express his feelings, he begins a journal of his own thoughts. Do you want to know what's going on in his head?
1. Journal

Alright, I'll tell you right now that I am not used to this sort of thing. I'm just…feeling quite explosive right now, is all. Of course, you wouldn't know that, would you? I've never really been one to let my feelings show, I guess, and that's the whole reason I've begun writing down my thoughts on paper.

It was originally something that Mom had talked about. You know, those letters of anger you never send, so you can vent your feelings? Well, I wrote one of those, and…it felt pretty good. But it wasn't enough. So I have decided to write in this notebook instead, since one letter seems insufficient. I can't help the emotions that I feel, so I'm going to record them. That helps ease the pain.

…You know what's funny? That at the moment, when I first write in this… "Journal", all my emotions just went blank. I hope that won't be true for future entries. Well, we'll see soon.

~Ferb

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><p><strong>AN: <strong>

**Oh hey! Yeah, this is just a little random thing I came up with (inspired by my own journal). I wasn't going to actually do anything with it at first but...I dunno. It just felt like something that needed to be done. **

**I also wanted to warn everyone that this story probably won't be updated as frequently as Something New To Do, but I hope you understand. That story is my main priority at the moment. That, and I know that I don't write in my journal in set intervals. **

**And this was Reeeeeeeeeeaaaallly short. Sorry 'bout that. I had started out with another (much LONGER) entry than this, but I had to introduce it somehow, and that first one was not up for it. **

**Hope you enjoy :)**


	2. Avoid

Is it right for someone my age to feel this way? I feel like I'm missing something in my life that I can't seem to attain.

It's always been weird like this since I met _her_…

Okay, I know I'm not exactly talkative, but I need to vent or I'm going to have a mental breakdown. And I want to begin by telling people not to get the wrong idea; This has nothing to do with my brother. I'm not jealous of Phineas, or think he's an attention hog. If I really wanted to, I'm sure I could do anything that Phineas does. I just don't want to.

I hope I cleared everything up on that matter. It seems as though people think he is the root of all my sorrows, and that isn't true. No, there are other problems on my mind. Particularly romantic problems. I would usually ask Phineas if I need advice on something, but it's like he thinks romance is something you can just conjure up with a formula; so I don't talk to him about it much. It's unfortunate that most kids my age don't really think the way I do about feelings…that is, save Isabella. So of course, I'm planning on going to her. I know that she's going through a similar situation.

And if you haven't realized; Isabella isn't the girl I'm having issues with. She may be cute and all, but she's just more of a friend to me; although I can't say the same thing for my brother. Still, even if he's oblivious to Isabella's feelings, I'm noticing that he's developing some feelings of his own. And when I think about the issue, I came to the conclusion that the current situation is better for the both of them. Yes, that may sound crazy, but hear me out. I believe that Phineas will be more in love with her if he doesn't know how she feels. He can let his true feelings mature without the pressure of feeling obliged to like her back; therefore, his love will be much more true. He'll like her for her, and not because he'd feel guilty if he didn't…True, my logic is pretty bizarre, but it's what keeps me from interfering with their relationship.

Anyway, I'm straying away from the real topic at hand here...about this one girl. Maybe it's a subconscious thing, since I don't like talking about it at all.

The girl I like…I feel like she doesn't care about me at all. It's not like I haven't made myself noticeable. Trust me, I've made multiple efforts to interact with her, but she doesn't seem to take me that seriously. I guess it doesn't help that she's a bit older than me…and she has a boyfriend…Yep, not helping at all…Her name though, which I have failed to mention

…is Vanessa.

~Ferb

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><p><strong>AN:<strong>

**So, yep. I felt the inner need to update this thing. **

**I also wanted to mention that, if this whole thing seems kind of...choppy(?), then try to picture a boy who's heart is breaking, and just wants to avoid the whole thing all together. All his feelings are just raging as he scribbles across the pages in a spiral. It's dark, and he's trying not to wake his brother...all alone...**

**That's all I have to say. Bye!**


	3. The Chat

I can't say that the meeting with Isabella went well, nor did it end badly either. A mixture of both, I suppose you could say. But an explanation is due.

Isabella was quite eager to hear what I had to say, which caught me off guard. She said the situation was like a romantic tragedy, and I shrugged. No matter what it seemed like, I was quickly losing hope. And when she proposed to bring the other Fireside Girls in to help, I swore I wanted to run back home and hide under the covers. But I gently declined, and asked her to just listen to what I had to say.

Her answer didn't seem very helpful at first, probably because I didn't understand it. You couldn't really blame me though, because it just sounded too simple to mean anything significant.

_"Maybe you should just let it go."_

...Just let it go? At first, I thought she was joking, because it sounded illogical. If I let go of my feelings, how would any progress ever be made in the journey to win over Her feelings? If I 'just let go' then that awful boyfriend of hers would spend more and more time with her, and I'll be left even further behind in this race for her heart. My younger age doesn't help, and cripples me instead, so, if I cease putting any effort into the situation, than I'd most likely trip on my face, and not a hope of catching up to my prior position.

But then...it clicked. Now, mind you, it wasn't immediate. By this time, I'd said my goodbyes to Isabella, and thanked her for the seemingly useless advice with a feeling of disappointment radiating throughout my heart. It had taken me hours of pondering to come to the real meaning of her words.

To let go...maybe I was trying too hard. Maybe I really _did_ have to let go. After all, it may help a hiker to pack supplies for a trip, but if there's too much stuff to carry, the hiker may never be able to reach his destination because he had lost his strength from carrying all the excess objects. And a runner probably never stretches too much, for a pulled muscle would do anything but benefit him in his upcoming race. Maybe that's what I'd been doing.

Just letting my feelings go, not thinking about them, and rather than letting them affect what I to, letting myself be...me...

It all makes sense now.

I might just hug that girl.

~Ferb

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><p><strong>AN: <strong>

**Long time no update, huh? Sorry, I've just been busy with all my other projects, but this one finally felt due for another entry! **

**Hope you enjoy!**


	4. More Ideas

I guess I should've expected that my plan was easier said than done. That was just a basic given in the game that was my love life that I should come to accept by now. Of course, with the help of Isabella, it wasn't _so_ bad...But it was still pretty awful.

There was the undeniable factor of not seeing her as much. I didn't exert any strained efforts to see her, nor did I arrange any plans to meet with her. I guess there were the few times I would catch a glimpse of her throughout the streets of the Tri-State area, but those were few, and unlikely. Phineas, of course, was confused as to why I wasn't making any attempts to see her, considering the fact I "liked" her. So, after a bit of thinking, I decided to tell him about my visit to Isabella's.

After letting Phineas into the plan, of which I now have mixed feelings, he told me a number of things, such as the key of gaining the affections of your crush. Of course, considering, he wasn't in the same situation as me, and did't-as far as I knew of-have a love intrest, I'm not sure whether to listen to him. Still, I feel the need to write it down. Either to believe, or ridicule later, I'm not sure.

_"Just be you! Do what you want, and as long as you're doing what feels right, nothing can go wrong!"_

I wanted to say so many things after that, but I decided to keep my lips sealed. I nodded, dismissing the topic, as he moved onto the ever-present subject of what the activity of the day might be.

I don't know exactly what he means...maybe, that I shouldn't strain so hard to not see her? Because, according to what Phineas' advice is, I'm not doing what I want at all. I want to go and see her, help her with the issues she has, and...Just listen to her voice. I'm also unable to listen to what Isabella had suggested, because I have definitely _not_ let it go, and rather I went to the other extreme in this situation.

After thinking about it after a while, both of them gave pretty similar advice. Once you boil it down, they both told me to "just go with the flow"...why didn't I catch this earlier? Despite my self deprecation, I felt internal joy.

As Phineas suggests we go and do some activity that requires me to retrieve some blueprints from the city, I am more than happy to oblige; though I doubt anyone but me is aware of that.

So, I've decided to experiment with a new idea.

I will be sure to record the results of my new plan...eventually.

~Ferb

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><p><strong>AN: <strong>

**Enjoy? I know I did :3 Sorry if it's confusing at all.**

**Oh yeah, I'm not dead, in case y'all were wondering :) My other stories shall be updated soon, I promise! **


	5. Lost and Found

Have you ever taken pleasure in little surprises that should never have been a surprise to you? For example, take this journal of mine. I had assumed it had been lost during one of the many escapades Phineas and I had taken part in lately, but it seems as though I'm mistaken. I'm glad I was wrong, for this is one of the few ways I've been able to vent. Who would've guessed that rather than dwelling in the bottom of a lake or in a pyre, it was nestled between a number of other possessions under my bed. What are the odds?

In other news, much has occurred in the absence of this journal, and not all is good. Though many seem to think I'm more of a negative person in comparison to my brother, I enjoy happy endings, or in there very least, bittersweet. So that is how I intend to leave the ending of this entry; with good news. Still, this means I must begin with the bad.

I've seen her dating another guy. Unlike the boys of her past, this one truly frightens me. Not that his presence inspires fear, not at all. And _that's_ what scares me. He's kind and strong, intelligent. I could say that I posses those qualities as well, some more or less than others, but I feel that my flaws are nearly made up by my strong points. The thing that truly makes him a real threat is that he's closer in age to her than me. So, while I may be Vanessa's type, he's more convenient a choice than I, because of our age difference.

It also doesn't help that their relationship seems forbidden, a taboo of sorts. I'm not sure why, though I assume it has to do with the thrill that the contrast between their personalities provides. Being the break-the-rules kind of person she is, I assume that's something that would attract him to her. If it were simply a battle of forbidden relationships, I would assume ours would top that of your typical teen romance. After all, she enjoys breaking the rules made by society, and I break the laws of science. I'm positive our relationship would create all sorts of chaos.

Now, the good news? It isn't exactly _great _news. I suppose it's not as good for my happiness as it is to my well being. Sometimes what we want isn't what we need, unfortunately. Still, my point is that I've tried to find some other girl to distract me. It's not going to be anything serious, I can tell. It's actually kind of funny that when I told Phineas about my idea, he frowned at me. I tried to convince him that it was probably for the best, but he wouldn't have it. And I know it's probably not the best coping method, but it's a risk I'm willing to take. Being stuck between a rock and a hard place is awful enough as it is. We'll see how this turns out, I'm sure the answer will reveal itself soon.

-Ferb

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><p><strong>AN:<strong>

He's kinda sad, isn't he? Well, I can assure everyone that it'll end happily.

Thanks to all who review/faved/follow! I really appreciate it, helps me work faster :3


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